February 2, 2013

Fighting the Sleepless Nights

Posted in Crashes, Strategies tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 10:43 am by Reva

Sometimes when it feels like everything around you is falling apart, when you are playing things that are frustrating you or you feel like you aren’t doing properly around in your head instead of falling asleep.  When it feels like these things that you feel like there is no solution to these things but you’re determined to find one, or work out where you went wrong, I think it helps to take a step back and remind yourself of the good things you are doing or have achieved, and of the bigger picture in general.

As I’ve mentioned I’m going through a crash that for me is one of the worst I’ve had.  I am feeling like I am not doing my job properly as a result and that I don’t have the support of my direct manager.  I acknowledge that some of this is because I’m yet to find the courage to sit down with her and fully explain to her what my “fatigue thing” is (and that no matter what response I’ve had with regard to this in the past, it’s a conversation that has to be had).

Last night as all of the contradictory comments, the emails that contain underlying complaints certain people don’t feel that they are not getting what they expect from me and how they could do a better job, the conversations I’ve had and wished I’d handled better and the conversations that I want to have but am too scared to have were playing in my head when I should have been sleeping I turned on a light and started to write down the things I am doing well and have achieved.

  • I have acknowledged that I’m not getting better like I used to and have started to take steps to improve my health.
  • I have ordered a meal program where all my meals arrive pre-prepared to my door once a week.  This has helped my save energy that I would normally use on supermarket shopping, meal preparation and washing up.
  • I have started to reintroduce previous treatments – I am doing my best to drink my electrolyte solution every day.
  • I’ve spoken to our HR department about my options and now have avenues to pursue.  Plus I know I have people who can support me when it comes time to have the above conversation.
  • I’m doing reasonably well at keeping my new year’s good intentions.  I’m doing a reasonable job of leaving work on time, I’m sticking to my timetable but trying to be flexible if I can. I’m colour coding my day and my patient list so I can quickly identify the priorities.
  • I am accepting I need help and researching the best way to get it.
  • I am starting to stand up and state when I believe that something I see is affecting those around me (now to start doing it when it’s just affecting me!)
  • I am realising that if those around me are also stressed, anxious and exhausted, it is not me and my medical condition that is the problem.  It is the environment that I am in that is affecting my medical condition.  And while I think the above points are going to help bring my health back on track, I think this point is key to solving the problem.
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2 Comments »

  1. Fiona said,

    My heart goes out to you Nicole. I’m at the same place we met last time today from 1.30-5pm with R and two of his friends. Don’t know if the parents are staying on. You are welcome to drop in for a coffee and chat if you’d like? Fiona.

    • Reva said,

      Thanks Fiona. I just might do that 🙂


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